The Story of us…

Dear Rosie,

I’ve just tucked you into your cot. You are 4 months old and you’ve suddenly decided sleep is for the weak and you enjoy waking up at 2am, 3am and 4am ready to chat.

You slept through from 10 weeks which was a hilarious gift from the gods but now you enjoy waking up at 2am, 3am and 4am ready to chat. You are so awake, like a bomb has gone off under your cot and you’re dying to tell us all about it. We can’t get mad when you’re calling out to us, because the minute you see us your smile fills the room.

We’ve had a really big 4 months together. But before I get into that, I want to go back to the beginning and tell you the story of us. How we came to be mother and daughter. Before we became best friends (you don’t know this yet, but i’m growing on you) and before I learnt how to love another person completely. We will call this time, LBR. Life before Rosie.

I had a brilliant childhood. The kind of childhood that I daydream about giving you. Summers spent on the water at Eildon and a home I was blessed to live in. Growing up I always knew I wanted to be a Mum one day, but as a teenager and well into my early 20’s I suffered from a terribleinfliction. It was called ‘selfish bratisis’. My Mum and Dad, your Grandma and Grandpa, did everything for me. I was their only child and the love of their lives. And let me tell you, they were the loves of mine too. When I was 19 I traveled to Cleveland, Ohio to work as a Drama teacher at a kids summer camp (I pray one day you will attend the same magical place) and I got my first glimpse of actual responsibility. Over the course of a few years, I traveled, I made friends all over the world and I could actually feel myself growing up. But then, in the blink of an eye everything changed. My life stopped dead in its tracks.

On the day of my 23rd birthday, your Grandma Helen passed away from breast cancer. When she died, a huge part of me died with her. I saw things I shouldn’t have seen and had to participate in conversations I may not have been ready for. She was the best friend I had ever known and by biggest supporter. I was at every doctor appointment, every chemo, every hospital stay. I was with your Grandma Helen holding her hand and was almost there for her very last breath. Often when people find out that Grandma passed away on my birthday, they get this dreadful look on their face, but I quickly share with them Grandma Helens thoughts on the situation. One afternoon she took my hand and said, “Sarah, if something should happen on your birthday, I need you to remember that your birthday was the single greatest day of my life, because I got you, kid.” I never truly understood what she meant, until I held you in my arms.

After all of this happened, your Grandpa John and I moved in together and suddenly my previous teenage sickness reared its ugly head and your Mum made some really stupid decisions. Rosie, don’t work at JB HI FI when you’re trying to sort your life out. You will fall in love with several meat head musicians and leave with a tattoo much larger than you ever planned for. I needed to do some serious growing up but luckily, I had friends who stood by me and called me out when my ‘Selfish Bratisis’ was getting out of hand.

NOW, fast forward a decade and SO much has changed. I met your Dad (more on him soon), we got a house, we got our puppy, we got married and now here you are. Our greatest accomplishment. I still have moments of brattiness (more than your Dad would like) and I am 1000% still getting used to the idea that someone else’s existence relies on my ability to take care of them, but i’m getting there.

I’m not going to get into your first few weeks on this planet just yet, but in the depths of the newborn fog, in the deepest darkest moments of pumping, formula, confusion and all consuming love, please remember how wanted you are. Every day. Even when you wake up at 2am. Just promise you’ll keep smiling.

All my love,

Your Mum

xo

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